remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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