When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
