dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
