i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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