No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
