do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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