if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
