keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
