What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
