...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
