And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
