I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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