please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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