First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
