we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
