And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
