i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
