maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
