i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
