If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
