worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
