that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
