Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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