he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
