Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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