felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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