He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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