If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
