New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
