the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
