There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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