Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
