You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
