Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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