no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
