his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
