i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
