I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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