So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my sisters under your porch take her home
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
