her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
