I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
