Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
