omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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