I'm drive I can fine osifer
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
