i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
