Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
