After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
