dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
