thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
