Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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