She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Operation Purity has been aborted
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
