stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
