we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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