I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
