A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Be still, my beating vagina.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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