what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
