We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
