I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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