If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
how drunk are you?
Several
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
