You're so nebulous sometimes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize