i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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