i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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