You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
