before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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